帕布莉卡第四出 腐叹
【双劝酒】（末扮老儒上）
灯窗苦吟，
寒酸撒吞[1]。
科场苦禁[2]，
蹉跎直恁[3]!
可怜辜负看书心。
吼儿病[4]年来迸侵。
“咳嗽病多疏酒盏，
村童俸薄减厨烟。
争[5]知天上无人住，
吊下春愁鹤发仙[6]。”
自家南安府儒学生员[7]陈最良，表字伯粹。祖父行医。小子自幼习儒。十二岁进学，超增补廩[8]。观场[9]一十五次。不幸前任宗师[10]，考居劣等停廩。兼且两年失馆，衣食单薄。这些后生都顺口叫我“陈绝粮[11]”。因我医、卜、地理[12]，所事[13]皆知，又改我表字伯粹做“百杂碎”。明年是第六个旬头，也不想甚的了。有个祖父药店，依然开张在此。“儒变医，菜变虀[14]”，这都不在话下。昨日听见本府杜太守，有个小姐，要请先生。好些奔竞的钻去。他可为甚的？乡邦好说话，一也；通关节[15]，二也；撞太岁[16]，三也；穿他门子管家[17]，改窜文卷，四也；别处吹嘘进身，五也；下头官儿怕他，六也；家里骗人，七也。为此七事，没了头[18]要去。他们都不知官衙可是好踏的！况且女学生一发[19]难教，轻不得，重不得。倘然间体面有些不臻[20]，啼不得，笑不得。似我老人家罢了。
“正是有书遮老眼，
不妨无药散闲愁。”
（丑扮府学门子上）“天下秀才穷到底，学中门子老成精。”
（见介）陈斋长[21]报喜。
（末）何喜？
（丑）杜太爷要请个先生教小姐，掌教老爷[22]开了十数名去都不中，说要老成的。我去掌教老爷处禀上了你，太爷有请帖在此。
（末）“人之患在好为人师[23]”。
（丑）人之饭，有得你吃哩。
（末）这等便行。
（行介）
【洞仙歌】（末）
咱头巾破了修，靴头绽了兜[24]。
（丑）你坐老斋头，
衫襟没了后头。
（合）砚水漱净口，
去承宫饭溲，
剔牙杖敢黄虀臭。
【前腔】（丑）
咱门儿寻事头，你斋长干罢休？
（末）要我谢酬，
知那里留不留？
（合）不论端阳九[25]，
但逢出府游，
则捻着衫儿袖。
（丑）望见府门了。
（丑）世闲荣乐本逡巡[26]。李商隐
（末）谁睬髭须白似银？ 曹唐
（丑）风流太守容闲坐， 朱庆馀
（合）便有无边求福人。 韩愈
注释：
[1]撒吞：一作撒㖔。妆呆。这里有痴心妄想的意思。吞，痴呆。
[2]科场苦禁：一直没有考取（举人）。禁，禁受，抑止的意思。
[3]直恁：竟然如此。
[4]吼儿病：哮喘病。
[5]争：怎。
[6]鹤发仙：白发仙人，此指老人，陈最良自喻。
[7]儒学生员：旧时各府州县所设立的学堂叫儒学。已进学的儒生就是秀才，一称生员。
[8]超增补廪（lǐn）：生员有定额，额外增加的叫增广生员。
[9]观场：参加考试。这里指乡试。
[10]宗师：秀才由主持一省举业的学政取中，秀才称学政为宗师。
[11]陈绝粮：有一次，孔子“在陈绝粮”。见《论语·卫灵公》。陈，春秋时国名。这里用这个绰号，是有跟陈最良开玩笑的意思。
[12]地理：堪舆、风水。
[13]所事：凡事。
[14]虀（jī）：醎菜。菜变虀，比喻儒变医，境况越来越坏。
[15]通关节：受人贿赂，替他在官府里面活动。
[16]撞太岁：依托官府，赚人财物。
[17]穿他门子管家：穿，串通。门子，州县长官的贴身仆役。管家，为头管事的奴仆。
[18]没了头：拼命。
[19]一发：愈加。有时也作一齐解释。
[20]不臻：不周到，不完备。
[21]斋长：明代国子监的班长叫斋长，一般也作对秀才的敬称。
[22]掌教老爷：府学的教官，即教授。
[23]人之患在好（hào）为人师：见《孟子·离娄》。
[24]绽（zhàn）了兜：破了补起来。
[25]端阳九：端阳（阴历五月初五日）和重阳（九月初九）这两个节日。
[26]逡巡：顷刻，来去不定。
Scene 4 A Scholar’s Complaint
(Enter Chen Zuiliang. )
Chen(Singing to the tune of Double Toast ):
Reading by windowside and in Candlelight,
How could a bookworm turn from dull to bright?
I failed in exams again and again;
I am afraid I’ve wasted time in vain.
What is the use of reading books?
Asthma retains me in my nooks.
Ill, I can’t drink much wine;
Poor, I’ve not much to dine.
How could a man ascend the sky?
A white-haired man can only sigh.
I am Chen Zuiliang, scholar of Nan’an Prefecture. My grandfather practised medecine, and I studied Confucian classics early in my life. At twelve I entered the county school and then I received an additional stipend. Having taken part in fifteen exams during forty-five years, I turned out to be the last in the last exam and was turned out of the school. What is worse, I have been out of job for two years, and have to earn a meagre living, so I am nicknamed Chen the Meagre or Mealless. As I know something in medecine, divination and geomancy, I am called Chen Good-for-Nothing. As I shall be sixty by next year, I don’t think I have any more great expectations than running the drugstore left by my grandfather. When a teacher becomes a beseecher, you know what it means. It was said yesterday that Prefect Du was looking for a tutor for his daughter, and many would vie for this job. Why are here so many applicants? First, a tutor of the prefect’s daughter may show off his qualification; secondly, he may have some connections with the prefect; thirdly, he may win support from the authority; fourthly, he may collaborate with the steward and servants in intrigues; fifthly, he may brag so as to be promoted; sixthly, he may bully inferior officials, and lastly he may cheat his own family. For these seven things, what won’t they do to win the job? But they do not know it is not easy to work in the prefect’s house, and still more difficult to teach a girl student. You can neither be too lenient nor too severe with her. If anything goes wrong with her manners, you can neither cry it out nor laugh it off. Only an old scholar like me knows how to solve the dilemna.
Book in hand, I can teach with closed eyes;
Without medicine, I can make the sick rise.
(Enter a courier.)
Courier:How can a scholar not be poor?
But old couriers know more and more.
(Seeing Chen) Congratulations, Master.
Chen: What for?
Courier: Prefect Du is looking for a tutor for his daughter. Our director has recommended a dozen of scholars, but none of them meet the requirements of the Prefect who would have an experienced teacher. Then I mentioned you to our director, and here is the invitation from the Prefect.
Chen:Trouble begins when each has much to teach.
Courier:Trouble ends when each has much food to eat.
Chen: Then let us go at once.
(Singing to the tune of Fairy in a Cave while they walk)
My hood should be sewn when it is torn,
And my shoes mended when outworn.
Courier: You don’t work in the court;
Your long gown becomes short.
Together: Don’t rinse your mouth with ink!
Or the rice you eat would stink,
And your toothpick would smell
Alas! Not so well.
Courtier: I’ve found a job for you.
Won’t you pay me what’s due?
Chen: You ask for a small fee.
Would the Prefect retain me?
Courier: On festive days
You will be invited always.
Bring something out, and don’t be late!
Here we are at the Prefect’s gate.
Epilogue of the Scene
Courier:Fickle are glory and delight.
Chen:Who cares for the hair silver-white?
Courier:When the Prefect enjoys his leisure,
Together:Who won’t curry favor with pleasure?
